April

The first two things that  I loved about you was your snow-white color and your orange beak. I remember the number of people who had come to my room to see my new birds which were a gift from a kind friend and how much everybody had turned their attention towards you my April. April. You were named after the birth month of the friend who gave you to me and your companion Jan was named after me. How fond I was ! How much I loved you!

You were a real fighter April. A soldier. You have been ill for days and in spite of all the illness, you have have been cheerful and full of life radiating a lot of joy around yourself. When I checked on you the night before I realized that something was seriously wrong because you weren't able to perch properly and something was wrong with your feet too. I was scared that you would die. I tried touching you with a pencil just to see if you were doing fine but still you wouldn't budge whereas ordinarily you would fly away to the top of the cage if I came anywhere near your cage!

I am going to miss you a lot April. Jan is already lonely without you. How I wish you did not have to leave the both of us! I love you a lot little birdie. I hope someday soon I will be able to hear the noise of your chirp awakening me early in the morning and the shadow of your wings on the walls before going to sleep. Rest in Peace. 

Mommy? Daddy?

I am waiting for your footsteps; I am waiting for you to call my name. 

Mom, dad could you please make it sooner? I have been waiting for a long time. I don’t know where I am going now but I don’t wish to wait any longer. I can see the eagle soaring up there in the sky. I can feel the melancholic breeze touch my dead face. There are so many weeping people here mommy, with mud in their palms. There are many men with black coats too who look just like you daddy. There are soap bubbles in the air. There is this sound of the wind-chime coming from far away. But where are you mommy? Where are you daddy?

Please mommy I want to see you for the last time. I want to see your beautiful face when I am gone far away. I want you to hold me for the last time in your warm embrace. I want to rest on your lap and feel your fingers run through my hair. I want to be your daughter for one last time before I leave for the eternal uncertainty. Mommy tell daddy to come see me too. Tell him that I regret all the unfortunate events that led to this. Tell him that I still remember him as the person who carried me from home to kindergarten in all the weathers. Tell him that he shouldn’t be sad. Tell him to let go of things that we can’t control. Tell him to take care of you. Tell him to come. Please tell him to come. I will be gone mommy; I will be gone forever. And if you come after that I won’t be able to hear you then. I won’t know if you ever came back. (…to be continued)

To Tanuj. In Remembrance.

“ Ladki boli toh maan gaya. Bhai samjhaya toh nahi mana. Sahi hain’’.  That’s what he told one of the boys when we wanted a common mess for all the first year students.

Tanuj Gautam. It is the same CB-8 building, the same fourth floor and the same place where you spent some of the best days of your life. Today as your birthday is near, I look at your old room and think ‘How different it would have been if you were still here’.  Maybe if you were still there, we would have had your birthday party in the mess with a huge chocolate cake, balloons, gifts and all your friends. Maybe if you were still here, you would have finally given me the biryani that you once promised. But sigh. If only you were there.

It’s indeed another year. Another beginning. But we have not forgotten you especially when it’s your birthday. Maybe there are no balloons, no gifts, no chocolate cake. It has been three years since you left but all of us surely remember you and miss you in our own ways. It would have been different if you were still present with us be it in the B.A LL.B classes or the moot court competitions or the new campus. After all it is said that “Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear.”

Happy Birthday Tanuj. May you be happy wherever you are. We miss you. 

Some faith is all what the world needs.

There are times when we feel very far away from emotions. There is a constant resentment of what we have become right now. The same child, who used to be happy seeing those colourful balloons at the fair, might just be the unhappiest one now. It sometimes bugs me really bad. Who are we? What do we, as humans, want from life? What could we possibly to do make life better?

When we were kids, life was a lot easier than now. We had fewer problems and less complications. We knew what we liked and we knew what we wanted. If we were hungry, we ate. If we were thirsty, we drank some water. If we were angry about something, we would say it. I personally believe that the Pandora’s Box of troubles opens as soon as our childhood gets over. The time of our life when everything was perfect seems so impossible right now.

Now all we wish for is some time, some care and some genuine-ness from the people who we want so badly in our life. But in the process, we end up hurting ourselves so badly that at one point of time, it becomes difficult to repair what has been worn out. And sadly we end up losing our faith in all the good things that life had ever bestowed upon us. Nevertheless at the back of our minds, we always wish for that one person who would make us believe in love once again. (Yeah, the world functions in a dual manner). Anyway, this world is indeed full of weird people. Some value clothes, some value their career and some value the drugs they take.

But there is still another kind: Those who value love. 

Our black puppy.

 R.I.P dear friend. I am barely in the state to write anything myself. But the following poem will say it all. From  all the NLUO-ites who loved you and who will miss you very, very much, your mother who is frantically searching for you and your twin who is wondering where you have vanished.. 

To the naughtier and smarter puppy, 

"High up in the courts of heaven today
a little dog angel waits;
with the other angels he will not play,
but he sits alone at the gates.
"For I know my master will come" says he,
"and when he comes he will call for me."

The other angels pass him by
As they hurry toward the throne,
And he watches them with a wistful eye
as he sits at the gates alone.
"But I know if I just wait patiently
that someday my master will call for me."

And his master, down on earth below,
as he sits in his easy chair,
forgets sometimes, and whispers low
to the dog who is not there.
And the little dog angel cocks his ears
and dreams that his master's voice he hears.

And when at last his master waits
outside in the dark and cold,
for the hand of death to open the door,
that leads to those courts of gold,
he will hear a sound through the gathering dark,
a little dog angel's bark". (By Noah M. Holland) 

R.I.P

It is a little difficult for me to write this post. Because it is about somebody I never knew personally. Not at all. He is my friend's late father, who died fighting cancer most of his life. When I heard the news, I was not taken aback because I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to tell him. I could see my room-mate crying uncontrollably after the news was dropped before us. Maybe I felt tears come up to my eyes but somehow I didn't let them fall. I only stared out of the window, knowing no matter how bad I feel, I could never empathize the loss of a parent.


Reflecting philosophically, it's true that in life there are many separations, many deaths. Moreover, who belonged to whom in this world! Even though there is no need to part, there is no explanation as to why separations have to be an ultimate end. 


I know I don't know you enough Sir but I have a daddy too. I know how important daddy is for me. And now I know how hard your son must be trying to cope up with everything. I am sure you must have been a great man, a wonderful husband and an awesome father. May you remain happy wherever you are. 


"Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.

Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.

~Rabindranath Tagore  

The Debater

I don’t know what happened today. I think I got bamboozled by the judges. Or maybe they stared at me way too much. Or I guess I got tongue-tied. Whatever the reason was, I still cannot console myself as to why I went down from a rank 1 to a rank 42 in the internal debate competition that was held in my university today.

It was a terrible feeling that I experienced when I walked out of the classroom, after having completed my debate. My heart ached badly as I realised that there is a lot of chance that I won’t be able to debate this year. One of my friends found me crying and hugged me hard, as a result of which a lot of students came to know that I had screwed up big time. I went up to my room and locked myself up. I called up my sister, a couple of friends and even checked my horoscope for the day. I just couldn’t believe that I had fared so poorly.

One of my friends told me that such things happen in life. He said that we fail to succeed again. Yes last time I was indeed the best debater in the university and maybe this year things didn’t work out. When I checked the rank list, I saw that there were a lot of good speakers who didn’t make it through. Some of them were depressed while the rest gave too hoots and pushed the thing aside. Yeah! A bad rank doesn’t make you a bad speaker or a bad debater. It only shows that you should have put in more effort.

Hence I use this forum to tell all the participants who didn’t get selected in the IUDC- Do not be discouraged. You are still the best.